down the rabbit hole
by Haruhi02
Summary: Yachi Hitoka and Kozume Kenma are not friends. They are barely acquaintances, let alone two people who are supposed to be the main protagonists of some anime light novel. They must find a way to work together and get back home. Through jail, teatime, cat buses, rainbow beaches, Clockwork Koushi's protests, and the darkness of the abyss, they are damn well going to make it work.
1. Chapter 1

**chapter one: I said I was desperate! Not that I wanted to get sucked into an alternative dimension!**

* * *

Yachi Hitoka is desperate.

She's never gotten grades these bad in any class before. Every time she wakes up and remembers she has to go to her Creative Writing lecture, the sudden surge of anxiety spoon fed to her nerves is unbearable. She'd honestly rather write a two-hundred-page long scientific report about every single job of the pancreas, or even write a book report about hagiology in literature, than even _try_ to write a single paragraph of any of the exercises her flamboyant professor orders them to do.

And really, Hitoka can't afford for her grades to drop. Not only will it drag down her average, but it will also drag _her_ down as well. Her grades are one of the few things which give her confidence. Seeing full marks or good grades on her record remind her she's capable, and that she _can_. She understands that they're really only numbers which might not even amount to much later in life, but they're important to her, especially her, who is always caught in an endless oscillation between thinking she isn't good enough, and thinking she's doing something wrong.

So she musters up some courage, and rather blatantly accosts Kozume Kenma after class is over.

"K...Kozume-kun!" she calls just before he can walk out the door. Kozume pauses, just out of the way of the other students, who barrel out of the lecture room in a bottleneck maneuver. Hitoka stuffs her notebooks in her backpack as Kozume scans the room once with a flick of his eyes.

Hitoka isn't entirely sure what it is Kozume is doing with his writing that she isn't, but the professor absolutely adores his pieces, so maybe Hitoka can ask him for a tip or two. Like what to focus on more, or where to improve, or how she can possibly reach his demiurgic level of writing in her short lifetime.

She places the last notebook inside just as he walks out the door.

 _Oh no! I don't think he heard me!_

"Kozume-kun! Wait!"

Hitoka barrels out the door and nearly dashes down the long winding corridor of the humanitarian building. However, Kozume is right there, near the wall, and she lets out a sigh of relief.

Her arms almost make a windmill motion as she comes to an abrupt stop, before she spins to face Kozume properly.

And this is where her nerves decide to have a field day worthy of a person with helminthophobia being thrown into a barrel of worms.

"Uh, um, I..." She twiddles her thumbs, and doesn't dare to even peek at Kozume's face. He probably thinks she's weird, or even worse, _annoying_. The only goal that steels her forward to steamroll her way through all this awkwardness is the even worse implication of her failing the class, and really, she'll take weird, annoying blonde over any failure.

"I was wondering if—! You could, um," Here she meets his eyes. It stings a little when he immediately looks to the floor, but Hitoka will power through anything to prove she isn't a failure.

"I was wondering if you could give me some, uh, pointers..? On writing! For our writing class! Just maybe a few! I really hope it isn't a bother and I'm really sorry if it is but—"

"No."

Hitoka pauses, her fingers clasped in front of her where she had been pressing them together. Had he just..? Said _no_?

Kozume looks to the floor, and shifts the strap of his messenger bag higher on his shoulder.

"I... have to go. I have a lecture in Science."

And then he just _leaves_.

Hitoka is left there more than a little baffled. Surely he couldn't have really just said _no_. He had probably just meant he couldn't do it now since he had class. Yes…That has to be it! She'll just ask him next time, and then maybe she'll finally be back on her way of getting good grades.

Kozume is avoiding her.

This revelation had not occurred to her until the fourth time she'd tried to talk to him after the many classes they shared. She had been walking up to him, and had momentarily looked away from his pudding hair to make sure her backpack was zipped all the way, and when she had looked back, he had dissipated from sight like a ghost.

Her shoulders droop, and she sighs, hanging her head. Another failure to add to her never ending list of shortcomings in life.

"H-hey. Yachi-san, right?"

Hitoka peers up, and tries not to take a blatant step back or yelp.

There's a boy with a face like a yankee and a blonde mohawk like woah and he's _talking_ to _her_.

Hitoka hopes the quivering of her knees goes unnoticed.

"Y-yes?!" she answers, perhaps a dab too much on the shrill side. She really hopes she hasn't secretly offended a yakuza gang unknowingly. Dodging the Japanese mafia will surely drive her nerves right to the Spiral Of Doom And Gloom.

Hitoka will tell anyone how awful it is to be caught in such a thing from her own personal, previous visits.

"So I, uh, heard you wanted to ask Kenma about something, right—" Oh god, was it a universally acknowledged truth how desperate she's become? She has to perish the thought before she shudders. "—and you know, Kenma's kind of being a lazy jerk about the whole thing, with how he's avoiding you and all—"

He was _avoiding_ her?

Had she really made that bad of a first impression? Hitoka can't even place what it could have been that had come off so wrong. Had she insulted him accidentally? Had her stopping him momentarily made him late for class? Was that why this yakuza prince was talking to her? To tell her the time and place of her demise for causing unnecessary convenience to a friend of the yakuza gang?

"—you got that, Yachi-san?"

Hitoka is torn from her preparation to the Spiral Of Doom And Gloom when the yakuza boy with a blonde mohawk appears to have asked her a question.

She has no idea what he had been talking about.

"Huh?"

"Kenma is always doing his lab reports in the library from eleven to twelve on Mondays. I'm sure you can catch him then."

Wait, the yakuza prince was _helping_ her? He wasn't going to beat her up? That certainly creates a wave of relief for her heartstrings. However, she isn't so sure about asking Kozume anymore if he's _avoiding_ her.

"I... It's ok," she finds herself saying before she can really think about it. The yakuza prince gives her a confused look. "I... I wouldn't want to inconvenience Kozume-kun more than I have—"

"No—! That's not—! You're not—!" The yakuza takes a deep breath. "You're not bothering him in the least, Yachi-san. He just doesn't want to do it, _and_ he's being an asshole about by avoiding you. If you really want his help, you're gonna have to put him on the spot, if ya know what I mean."

Hitoka isn't exactly sure what to make of this development. On one hand, she's apparently made Kozume uncomfortable enough for him to just outright run away from her every chance he gets. Hitoka dreads being a bother more than she dreads failure at times, and Kozume's reaction to her asking for help is nearly single-handedly paying for an express ticket to The Spiral Of Doom And Gloom all over again. However, on the other hand, she's _still_ failing Creative Writing, and Kozume's yakuza prince friend is telling her Kozume is just being mean.

Weighing the two options, and adding the 'her mother has always wanted her to be assertive' argument to the second hand, Hitoka comes to a decision.

"Ok," she says, while banishing all the negative thoughts which immediately jump to the forefront of her mind. Hitoka will not allow mean people and her already weak self room for more failures. "I'll do my best!"

Maybe wearing a disguise was a bit much.

Hitoka had jabbed a cap onto her head and donned a pair of magenta framed glasses before hiding away in a seat with a clear view of the library door. She had arrived way too early; half an hour before Kozume was supposed to show up in the library, but preparation and precautions were something Hitoka was an expert at.

She hopes she's fooling someone pretending to be engrossed in _Alice in Wonderland_ when she's really just watching the doors like a hawk.

Kozume walks through the doors at 11:06 and Hitoka tries not to implode with how fast her heart beats. She lifts the book higher to hide her face and, as soon as he passes, she quickly stuffs it in her bag and follows after him, hiding behind shelves every time he seems like he's going to look back.

Hitoka is sort of excited for some reason. Maybe it's the spy like mission she's caught herself in, or just the novelty of it all. Yes she's still scared witless and more than a little nervous about confronting Kozume, but not as much as she'd been when she had first talked to him.

Kozume settles in a spot at a table in the corner of the library. He sits in a chair with his back to the wall and pulls out his phone.

Hitoka is at her last possible hiding place. If she leaves the safety of this bookshelf, Kozume is sure to see her.

With her heart a thunderclap in her chest, she sprints out from behind the bookshelf and plops down in the chair opposite Kozume. She tears off her glasses and cap and whispers a breathless, " _Kozume-kun_."

Kozume startles, his phone fumbling between his hands for a moment before he stares at her rather wide-eyed. He recovers quickly, placing his hand under the table in his lap and doesn't meet her eyes. There's something of a faint pink to his cheeks as he blatantly looks away from her, but there's also clear annoyance in the furl of his brow.

"I'm really sorry and I really don't want to bother you but could you please just maybe look over my writing and telling me what I could work on? I promise it won't take more than a minute." Hitoka says in one breathe before she loses her strength. It's a feat in and of itself she doesn't stutter her way through her request, and she's the tiniest bit proud of herself for accomplishing it.

Kozume sighs and meets her eyes once.

"Yachi...san. I don't think I can help you—"

"P-please try! You can just—" Hitoka dumps out half the contents of her backpack trying to swiftly pull out her papers from Creative Writing. She nearly shoves them under his nose when she holds them out. "—read it and tell me where I might be able to improve!"

Kozume looks very unconvinced.

"Please?" Hitoka adds pleadingly.

Kozume lets out another annoyed huff. A moment later, he reluctantly takes the papers.

Hitoka beams at him, and Kozume seems to lift the papers a little higher to hide his face after that.

There are a few silent moments where Hitoka waits patiently as Kozume reads her writing. His eyes go back and forth over the paper, and Hitoka's nervousness is starting to override her earlier excitement. She can't read anything from his impassiveness, nothing he might be thinking about her piece, and it's making her nervous.

He seems to have finished, if the lowering of the paper and his eyes darting to her face is anything to go by. Hitoka wrings her hands in her lap, unsure what to make of his silence.

He opens his mouth, and then closes it.

"Y-You don't have to worry about hurting my feelings or anything! Please be as harsh as you want to be!" she blurts out, taking his speechlessness as indecision. She hopes it doesn't add more pressure.

Kozume sighs again, and gives a look to his phone.

"Yachi-san—"

"You can just call me Yachi if you want!"

Kozume pauses, giving even more looks to his phone.

"Yachi." Kozume's brow scrunches up as he studies her paper again. Maybe he's mulling over his critique? Contemplating the advice he could give? Trying to find a way to say it nicely? She'd already told him to be as blunt as he wanted, so Hitoka isn't sure what else to say to confirm her readiness to take anything.

"I don't think I can help you."

It comes as a surprise to both of them when tears well in her eyes.

"I-it's that bad, huh?" she asks, failing to stamp the tears with her palms. She hadn't meant to cry, really. She'd been prepared for constructive criticism and harsh advice and anything Kozume would have said to her. But topping all her attempts and endeavors to be better with the notion that she's beyond help had hurt more than she ever could have imagined.

She just wants to be better. Why was it so hard?

Kozume, the understatement of a deer in headlights, blinks rapidly at her with wide eyes. His mouth is slightly agape and the surprise is so intense Hitoka feels bad for him. He reaches out his hands lamely but they stay close to his chest.

Hitoka's shoulders shake with more sobs. If she can't stop it, she can at least try to be quiet about it. God, she feels so pathetic. She thought she was a bit better at dealing with the hardships of school and studying to not collapse into a nervous breakdown when the goings got tough. She is supposed to be an adult about this, able to remove her emotions from the situation and think on this rationally. Yet even with that rationality, all she can do is imagine her from an outside point of view and think how glaringly, annoyingly pathetic she is.

She presses a hand to her mouth, her vision continuing to blur as her tears fall onto her books and the papers scattered in front of her.

 _I just want to be better_ , she thinks, and want so strongly for it to be true it hurts.

The table breaks and collapses into itself.

Hitoka is frozen, staring agape at the gaping black hole in the floor. It's all the moment she gets before her chair tilts forward and she falls completely into the darkness with arms outstretched and a scream on her lips.

Her vertigo flips and she catches a glimpse of Kozume falling in as well, panic in his eyes as he reaches toward her with a, " _No!_ "

She thinks, just as something like a hand encircles her wrist, that she hears something like a book clapping shut as the darkness completely envelopes them, but she can't be too sure because her eyes had rolled back and she had completely blacked out.

* * *

 **A/N: This story was written for the hqbrofest event on tumblr. It's completed over on AO3. I'm just crossposting it here for prosperity's sake.**


	2. Chapter 2

**chapter two: I'd rather people think I'm a weeaboo than make a girl cry, thank you very much**

* * *

Kozume Kenma is pissed off.

Even without confirmation on the matter, he knows this is Tora's fault. The idiot had never quite gotten it through his thick skull that their mutual circle of friends was enough for Kenma. He always pontificates about how Kenma should open up more and be more social and 'talk to people, man! So they don't keep thinking you're an introverted otaku or something!'

Right, because setting up Kenma to go through the traumatic experience of making a girl cry was totally better than being an otaku. Oh, and not only did he have go through that horrifying situation, oh no. Kenma had panicked, gotten the great way urge to get out of that situation, and now both he and the girl he had made cry are falling endlessly into Alice in Wonderland.

Kenma thinks, if he listens very hard, he can hear karma clap a round of an applause in the background.

They're still falling of course, courtesy of the nonexistent physical laws ruling Wonderland. Yachi has woken up and fainted about four times now, and Kenma had just plain given up and pulled out his 3DS to grind some of his tropes until this is over.

Kenma curls up as best as he can while falling. He hopes his hair doesn't perpetually stick on end the way it is now when they reach the bottom. He is very uncomfortable with how clear his field of vision is. He also hopes the next time Yachi wakes up, she doesn't immediately faint again. He would like to brief her on the many, many, many abnormalities they are going to face when they land in Wonderland, and at least try to prepare her for them.

His wish is answered after fainting spell #6, right after he had finally been able to beat the level he was stuck on. Yachi's eyes open slightly and take in the surroundings deliriously. Kozume thinks she's going to faint again, but she seems to be holding herself back on that front. Or, he thinks, that's what she's doing by staring at him like she's trying to either rationalize the perpetual fall or maybe even just forget it's happening.

"K-K-K—" she stops, and takes a few deep breaths, with a hand on her chest to guide the motions. Kenma saves his game but keeps the console between his fingers. The whiplash of the fall continues to ruffle their clothing, and he's glad Yachi chose to wear pants today in contrast to her usual skirts. That would have been more than a little awkward.

"Kozume-kun," she finally says, and Kozume would applause her if he was the type. "W-what's going on?"

Now Kenma knows how this happened. He has the power to jump in books which he uses to great effects depending on the day. He usually just has to think 'I want to jump' and boom, he's back a hundred centuries or suddenly in queer witch hell, or even watching a basketball game of boys sprouting hair colors from every color of the rainbow. However, 1) he normally can't take people with him on jumps, or at least, as far as he's tried and 2) he hadn't actually willed a jump this time around. He hopes it doesn't affect their departure in any way. He isn't the fondest of Wonderland physics.

He ends up saying something like— "—I, uh, can jump in books—" which gets caught off when the both of them fall straight into a wayward canvas, and then bounce off it Yachi immediately clings to him and screams bloody murder just as they fall right into an open drawer.

They fall through it, Kenma's head ringing with how close and loud the shrill shrieks in his ears are, and tumble onto a bed of flowers.

Yachi is shaking so bad Kenma is vibrating along with her. He almost feels bad for her, except he can barely breathe with how tight her grip is around him.

Where is she even hiding this strength?

"Would you look at that, something I didn't drag in."

A fluffy black cat with an unnatural smirk floats in front of where they have crumpled the flowers. Yachi somehow manages an even tighter grip, this time around his neck, and Kenma is really having trouble breathing. And being this close to someone for a longer period of time than strictly necessary.

"H-how is that cat floating? How is it talking? W-where are we? How—oh god, d-did I... Did I die? Is this—I-is this the afterlife? Oh no, no but I— I can't have actually..."

"Woah, Kenma, your friend looks two seconds away from a nervous breakdown. You should probably do something about that," says the cat, floating closer towards the girl, who finally lets go of Kenma in favor of scrambling away from the abnormality.

Kenma was going to do that anyway without having to be told to by a cat. Except, as per usual in Wonderland, and with its inhabitants love for dramatic entrances, Yachi and him are abruptly introduced to twenty pointy spears ends.

A woman with wild white hair held up by a red ribbon stands at the guards' backs. Decked in a uniform painted head to toe in crimson, she crosses her arms and gives him a disdained look, clipping her red boots against the floor.

"What have I told you about dropping in the Queen's gardens unexpectedly, Kenma? It's always such a headache convincing her not to behead you."

To absolutely no one's surprise, Yachi tips back in a fainting spell.

"Totally called that," cackles Kuro, tumbling through the air in glee with a nyahahaha!

"Your friend is rather faint hearted, isn't she?" says Shiro, with a very mean smile on her face.

With as much annoyance as he can muster up, Kenma sighs.

They are both thrown in jail.

Kenma is parts nervous, and still parts pissed off. It's not his fault they dropped in the Red Queen's Royal Red Garden. He doesn't even know how the both of them got here. He hadn't initiated this jump, and Yachi shouldn't be here even if he had. But of course no one cares about the semantics. He is stuck behind red bars with dimmed red lights like a fucking kinky host club for something he didn't even do. All he had wanted was to finish his lab report in the library in peace and quiet. He had never asked for an unplanned trip to Wonderland with Yachi Hitoka of all people.

And, because karma is having a field day throwing all these mishaps his way, his 3DS now has a blinking red light.

The beheading doesn't sound too bad right about now.

"First time I see you bring a friend here."

Kenma does not jump. He turns to glare at Kuro, who's leaning against the cell wall in a human form plus cat ears and a cat tail, thinking he's cool or something for sneaking up on Kenma like that.

Kenma does not at all think he's cool. Kuro is closer to a mental category Kenma has labeled Annoying Friends Who Think They Known What's Best For Kenma.

Three guesses to who else is filed underneath that very particular division.

Kenma doesn't answer, preferring to scowl at his reflection on the 3DS screen. Two Kenmas scowl back.

Kuro chuckles heartily. "That's not a very happy face." A cat floats around him and wraps around his shoulders. "You should smile more! Look, I'll show you how!"

The unnatural human grin on the cat's face is creepy AF. This is exactly what he was talking about when he'd said 'Think They Know What's Best For Him'.

Kenma shoves him, and Kuro the cat tumbles through the air with a yowl.

"Go away."

"Ok, fine." Kuro easily slips through the bars with his agile form. "Geez, what's a cat gotta do to get some appreciation around here?"

Kenma pauses. Now that he thinks about it, he probably shouldn't shoo away the few friends he has here. It's not like drawing the Go To Jail card was something new to him. It's happened before and maybe he does need a cat to cozy up to him and purr to make him feel better.

"There's a mouse in the garden."

A cat gets attached to his face faster than Kenma can say 'score'.

"Where?! Hurry and tell me!"

"It's—" Kenma wraps his hand around Kuro and pulls him away from his face. Kuro stubbornly keeps his paws on Kenma's face. Kenma's just glad he had the sense not to use his claws because that certainly would have been a bitch to drag off, "—in the garden. Where I fell. It ran away when it saw me."

Kenma is rewarded with a mouthful of fur, a cat purring right in his face which is not at all what he'd wanted, and a quick, "I love you so much right now!" before Kuro vanishes out of thin air.

Beheading sounds amazing.


	3. Chapter 3

**chapter three: I'd like some Earl Grey with a side of beheading, please!**

* * *

Yachi Hitoka is in Wonderland.

She's fainted about seven times, which cannot be good for her health. So far, there's been the endless physics defying fall, a flying talking cat, walking taking playing cards which are actually guards with spears, an insanely beautiful woman dressed in Captain Of The Red Guards material, a ridiculous amount of objects which Hitoka didn't thing possible to come in red, a red castle, and an equally red jail.

Did she mention she was in _jail_? She's been in this new world for what, a few hours and she's already accumulated a criminal record.

Fainting spell #8 isn't too far off.

Kozume's explanation does little to return her heart to a normal staccato.

So, _apparently_ , Kozume can travel in books. Which, according to Kozume's jurisdiction, is enough of an explanation for Hitoka to understand everything. Hitoka, for her part, doesn't understand _anything_. At _all_. Least of all the _jumping in books_ part.

However, it's not like there's any other plausible exposition Hitoka can wrap her head any easier than that one. So she believes it. Kozume Kenma Can Jump Into Books is a hair better than Yachi Hitoka Dies After Traumatic Creative Writing.

Barely.

She doesn't really have time to think much on it when she remembers she left Dinah at home alone.

"Oh no, how—how long have we been here? Oh god, I left my cat a-alone. I don't know if she has enough food and water and—and— _Oh god_ —"

"Time works differently here," Kozume says immediately. The tears leaking at Hitoka's cheeks hold. Kozume sits cross-legged, his back against the wall, a little ways behind her where she's kneeling in approximately the center of the cell. He doesn't meet her eye when she looks at him. It's something Hitoka had noticed he's never done, at least, with her.

"When we go back... it will be the same time we left."

Hitoka breaths just a little easier at that even if she doesn't exactly understand how. If everything is the same when she gets back, that means she still has to get to has her three hour lab after this. She has no idea how she is going to do any experiments when her hands still haven't stopped shaking. The saving grace of falling into Wonderland, however, is that it served as a distraction long enough to swivel her journey away from The Spiral Of Doom And Gloom, which Hitoka is always, _always_ grateful for.

Which reminds her of something else. How are they supposed to _leave_ Wonderland? Do they have to climb back up the hour long fall? Hitoka isn't very good at climbing. Or do they have fall into another book? She doesn't even understand how they fell in the first one—

"We have to wait 24 hours... then we can go back."

Hitoka hadn't known she was such an open book.

"O-oh…ok," she says lamely. She hesitates once, before getting up gingerly and walking carefully over to Kozume. He watches her rather confusedly as she fidgets. She manages to steel herself somehow and slide in a way next to him. Pushing her thumbs together, she finally manages to say, "Thank you, Kozume-kun."

Hitoka doesn't need to be perceptive like Kozume to know he's confused.

She smiles just a little at the scrunch in his brow.

"You... you tried to grab my hand, to stop me from falling," she says. "So, um, thank you. For that. I-I'm sorry this happened."

Kozume doesn't say anything to that for a long time, and Hitoka is almost just going to leave it at that, when he goes, "I eat plot bunnies."

Hitoka has no idea what that means. Did she miss something in the conversation?

"W-what?"

He finally turns away, and some hair slides away to show his ears.

"I, uh, for Creative Writing. There are plot bunnies here, so, I, um... Kuro catches them for me, and if I eat one, I get... inspiration. That's why I... I didn't know how to help you."

It's the most he's ever spoken to her, and all Hitoka can do is think of Kozume Kenma covered in blood butchering the fluffy white bunnies she watches videos about to calm her nerves.

Her face goes pale, then green, and than a sort of pale green which cannot be good.

"You _eat_ them?" she asks, out of a sort of desperation for the answer to be a resounding no.

"Yeah." Kozume shifts his feet together. "They respawn afterwards."

Hitoka is going to throw up.

The red wooden door at the far right unhinges and slams the wall with a thud.

"I've finally secured your innocence," exasperates the Captain of the Royal Red Guard. Her red boots click against the paved crimson rock as she strides over to their cell. Hitoka curls up a little closer onto herself and just the tiniest bit closer to Kozume as the woman runs a hand through her silver bangs and places a hand to her hip.

Hitoka is both thoroughly petrified and in complete awe of the terrifying beautiful woman. Not only does she probably have her own knightly fanclub from how pretty she is, but she could also probably cleave Hitoka in half without batting an eye. The dress uniform in complete crimson, from shirt to buttons to badges to cuffs to those little tussle like things, do little to hinder the image.

"There's been a condition placed while I bargained for your sinlessness, however."

And then the pale woman in copious amounts of red smiles a smile like the terrifying beautiful predator Hitoka thinks her to be.

"My queen would like to drink a cup of tea with your faint-hearted friend."

Suddenly, foreign fantasy criminal record sounds _wonderful_ compared to teatime with foreign fantasy _queen_. The amount of possible things that could go _wrong_ is turning Hitoka a new shade of pale which has never existed before. She would rather fail Creative Writing or even eat a plot bunny whole than put herself in a situation as nerve wrecking as _teatime with foreign fantasy queen_.

"No," is what she's trying to say with her attempts at getting words out of her mouth. She's suddenly so much grateful for Bunny Devouring Kozume Kenma at her side than she's ever been before.

The red captain of the guards leans against the bars, the cruel smile plastered to her face like glue.

"Teatime or beheading," she reiterates menacingly, eyes closed in glee. "I'm quite a fan of both."

 _Teatime or beheading, teatime or beheading, teatime or beheading, teattimeorbeheading_ — Hitoka's mind promptly explodes at the endless horrible possibilities, and Fainting Spell #8 pounces and catches absolutely no one by surprise.

* * *

When Hitoka wakes up, Fainting Spell #9 nearly takes her.

Someone has changed her clothes while she was out. She had not been previously wearing a red pinup which hugs the sides she (sobbingly) doesn't have, and shows off the cleavage she ( _super_ sobbingly) doesn't sport. Nor had she been sitting on a red leather sofa in this red room before. Nor has she been on Wonderland without Kozume in sight.

"K-Kozume-kun?!"

The resounding silence is quick to a send Hitoka to her feet.

She nearly toppled over because those are certainly not the sneakers she'd been wearing around her feet.

She peers down and finds red stilettos sharp enough to kill a man attached to her pale feet.

Hitoka does not do heels. People who wear heels normally walk and occasionally trip. Hitoka, however, is the type of person who normally trips and occasionally walks.

A tumble and a flying fall perfect enough to make any volleyball player jealous later, Hitoka, with a very weary sigh, removes the heels and walks barefoot to the big red door.

She reaches out to the handle just as it swings open.

She jumps back, nearly tripping. An arm snakes around her waist and stops her fall, and Hitoka comes face to face with the captain of the red guard.

The cruel smile is ten times more intense up close. Hitoka hopes the goosebumps ricocheting over her skin aren't visible.

"Have a nice little nap, my lady?" Hitoka could never faint long enough if she is being sent right back to the atrocious decision which had made her faint in the first place. "Well, you've napped quite enough. Come, the queen awaits."

"Shiro!"

Hitoka gets the shortest-lived reprieve. It's short because a six foot catman bounds over, a fluffy black tail swishing behind him, with a squirming child dangling from his mouth. The child continues to thrash and shout things like, "Let me go, you stupid cat!" even as catman stops short of them and all but dumps the child on the floor. It's about then Hitoka notices the round ears with orange tuffs that match the little girl's hair, and the long thin tail poking out just as the child tries to dart.

The captain of the red guard grabs her by tattered shirt covering her back and lifts her up off the floor.

The redhead with round ears reminding Hitoka of Micky Mouse continues to thrash and kick about as the captain of the red guard turns to catman with a raised eyebrow.

"And this is supposed to be what exactly..?"

"It's a present!" He beams, and Hitoka doesn't know what to make of the six foot catman who looks like he wants to be praised for bringing home a mouse—

Wait.

"Let me go! Let me go!"

Hitoka's heart immediately goes out to the so very young mouse child. She is impossibly grateful the catman didn't do the... _cat_ thing and bring something a little less alive to the captain of the red guard. That would've certainly introduced Hitoka rather intimately to Fainting Spell #9.

"And what am I to do with this gift of yours exactly..?"

"That's up to you! You could eat it—"

Hitoka and the mouse child go impossibly still at that. Hitoka tries very hard not to think of Plot Bunny and Mice Children stew.

"—or maybe even have a nyew tiny knyight on the team!"

The catman coos at the petrified mouse child as Hitoka tries to process if she'd heard that right. Was it just her, or was there a cat's meow in place of the n's in that sentence? A sort of... cat lisp?

The captain of the red guard eyes the mouse child dangling from her hand with an unreadable expression. Hitoka really, really, _really_ hopes she goes with the latter. She never ever _ever_ wants to see a child die before her eyes.

Not that she'd let it happen without a fight. Maybe. She is sure she would at least _try_ to do _something_.

"I suppose we require more creatures with exemption of beheading. It makes managing our lovely Queen's sporadic needs for death much simpler," says the captain, and Hitoka breathes a sigh of utter relief. The mouse child opens her mouth at that, however, and Hitoka fears they are not completely out of the Eat Mouse Child For Dinner woods yet when the captain continues, "Of course, the exemption of beheading goes for the knight and their families."

The last statement brings hope Hitoka hadn't known was even gone rushing back to the mouse child's face. The captain places her back on the ground, and the mouse child continues to look at the captain like she's given her the greatest secret of the universe. There's so much desperate hope in her features, Hitoka feels a little bad.

What had the child gone through to ever lead her to make such a face?

"It... it does?" asks the redhead mouse child, and _god_ , Hitoka is two seconds always from hugging her to her chest. The mouse child's eyes shine, like she can't believe this is all really happening, and Hitoka is one measly second away from The Hug.

"Of course. The Red Queen gives all her knights special exemptions to many a thing." The captain of the red guard points down the length of the corridor. "Now run along that way until you come across a woman with hair of a crow and attire just like mine. Tell her Shiro sent you."

The mouse child follows the hand and scans the end of the corridor. Hitoka can practically see the hope fill the little child's heart. The mouse child looks between the end of the corridor and the captain a few more times before throwing her tiny arms around the captain's legs with a "Thank you!" and then rushing down the hallway.

The catman sidles up next to the captain with a grin worthy of his namesake.

"Man, sometimes I wonder what would Queenie do if she knew how soft you are on the inside."

The captain of the red guard turns to him with a smile capable of singlehandedly culling the greatest of humanity.

"I should show my gratitude for your gift as quickly as possible." The captain mocks a thinking pose before snapping her fingers. "I know. Have you ever been defenestrated? I hear it works wonder for the heart."

The fluffy black tails whips as catman asks excitedly, "No. What is that?"

The captain of the red guard smiles blithely, grabs the back of cat man's shirt, pivots of her heel and throw the six foot man across the room and out the window. It all happens so fast Hitoka almost misses it, only comprehending what happened after she hears the echoing yowl getting fainter and fainter.

The captain of the red guard slaps her hand together. "Now that that's over with, I think we've kept my Queen waiting long enough."

Hitoka's arm is looped around the woman's and she is dragged bodily out of the room. The plaster stone tiles are cold against the skin of her feet, and Hitoka becomes very increasingly aware of the palace she is in.

It's magnificently _ridiculous_. The red arcs spiraling up and connecting to a chandelier dazzling with every red shade known to man. The sculpted flowers and vines scattered around the walls, tangling around and up like the most beautiful ordered chaos. The columns holding it all up are shaped like the redwood of a tree trunk, all clear cut ridged edges perfect in their imperfections. Hitoka has seen pictures of palaces before, but nothing quite like this.

The captain of the red guard leads her through one of the arches leading outside and Hitoka's breath catches in her throat.

If the inside is gorgeous disorder, the outside is marvelous nitpicky precision.

Hitoka is so used to seeing red, seeing green is a shocker. The bushes on either side of the red stone path are cut with mad accuracy. Not a single leaf brushes Hitoka while they walk. The red roses dotting the bushes are all separated by the exact same distance. Not a single one of the petals deviates from the trend. The path and the bushes open up to a patio worthy of a—

Hitoka squeaks as the captain of the red guard pulls her close, just out of range of a flying teacup.

"You're _late_! Do you know how long you've kept the Queen waiting—"

"Forgive my ill-mannered interjection, but I choose to consider we are, in fact, _early_ , Lady Mika."

'Lady Mika' has a glare hot enough to melt steel. The fire of her hair and of her flowing ballroom gown further strengthen the image. There is a shimmering red shale over her shoulders and dipping around her crossed arms. She clicks her tongue and _humphs_ with a disapproving sound.

"Is Clockwork still not back from that vacation of his?"

Hitoka is too busy staring at the woman lounging in an armchair who cannot possibly be anyone other than the Red Queen.

If Hitoka had thought she was showing too much skin, the deep dip in the Red Queen's cleavage alone is enough to put those thoughts to rest. How she manages to show more skin than Hitoka when her long flowing gown dips down to touch the floor is beyond Hitoka. Maybe it's because the sleeves flare out as the Queen brings a palm to her face, or how easily her legs are exposed when she crosses them, or maybe just the how the color is the closest thing to what a person with red skin would look like that has Hitoka with ears as red as the palace.

The golden crown embodied with rubies fits perfectly on the blonde of her head. And Hitoka almost, almost gets lost in the beautiful amber shade of her eyes when the Red Queen opens her mouth with a snarl and slams a fist on the table.

"Who's grand idea was it to give Koushi a break? I should chop their head off!"

"It was yours, my queen," chirps the captain. Hitoka squeaks as the Red Queen glares at them.

"And you're both supposed to stop my bad decisions, aren't ya? Off with both your heads!"

Hitoka never gets to look at both of them in terror as Lady Mika just sighs and the captain chuckles at this.

"And when exactly will my beheading finally come, your highness?" asks Lady Mika wearily, her heels clicking against the stone as she moves to sit in a chair adjacent to the Red Queen.

"Yes, my queen, inform me when I may finally be put to rest," asks the captain with inappropriate cheer. "I do love watching you get around your own orders."

The Red Queen grins wickedly, and opens her mouth, but Lady Mika beats her to it.

"If you say tomorrow, then it will never come. If you say yesterday, then it has already happened. And if you say now, then it has already passed," articulates Lady Mika, humming after a pleasing degustation of the tea she had just poured herself. She smiles as the Queen scowls. "Is there anything else you would like to try? This is our one hundredth and fifth rendition of this conversation after all."

The Red Queen slams a fist hard enough on the table to make Lady Mika jump back, nearly dropping her teacup.

"I demand a fucking solution to this stupid mumbo jumbo! Someone go find Koushi _now_ so I can give him a piece of my mind!"

Lady Mika looks like she's been stricken with the greatest enlightenment in the world. Exactly like when Hitoka finds a solution to a particularly hard math problem.

"You're a _genius_ , your highness! That's a _brilliant_ idea!"

The Red Queen scrunches her brow, and even Hitoka can read the 'I am?' in her expression. But it's quickly replaced by a tilt to her head and a grin to her lips.

"Of course I am! Who do you think you're talking to, eh?"

The Red Queen continues to glow brighter and brighter as Lady Mika sings her praise. Hitoka is starting to feel her pride from all the way over where she's standing.

She wishes she had some of it.

"How long do you plan to stand there like a slack-jawed buffoon? Come join us for a sip of celebratory tea and tell us tales of your world."

Between the impulsive Red Queen, Lady Mika's sharp tongue, and the captain of the red guard's doubtful loyalty, Hitoka is certain she's going to die of nerves before this teatime ends.

Or of beheading. There isn't much of a difference in Hitoka's books, to be honest.


	4. Chapter 4

**chapter four: Breaking out of a sports anime is just as easy as I make it look**

* * *

Kozume Kenma is going to find a way to resurrect Lewis Carrol so he can kill him.

"Yeah, so Koushi was whining and all like, 'I'm sick and tired of this stupid job!' You nyow, his usual. And then our super awesome Queen was all like, 'if you hate it so much, then just quit!'" Kuro snickers. "Nyobody's seen hair or tail of him since."

Not even the outrageously stupid (and cute) cat lisp can make Kenma feel any better.

Honestly, he should've expected something like this. The timeline here was already out of whack. There are times when Kenma has taken two consecutive jumps two days apart, and when he lands in Wonderland, they tell him it's been years since his last visit. There are also times when Kenma doesn't jump for a month, and when he finally does, hours have supposedly passed since his previous one.

Kenma has no idea how Clockwork Koushi had even got the job of keeping time in the first place when he's so bad at it. But now he's gone and fucking quit, which leaves everyone in a never ending teatime, and Kenma and Yachi stuck in Wonderland.

Actually, there _may_ be hope for them yet. They're not Wonderland residents, so there may be a chance time doesn't apply to them the same way it does to a Wonderlandian, so _maybe_ if they wait for 24 hours they could go back home, but Kenma doubts it.

The thing with jumping is, you lose time off your lifespan each time. A day spent in a book is nothing in the real world. However, if Kenma were to say, jump 365 times, and spent at the very least the mandatory 24 hours in each, Kenma would be a year older than all his fellow peers. Double that, then he'd actually be twenty-one while Tora still rocked at nineteen. It's the price Kenma pays for sequestering away in fictional worlds. Something he can easily pay in increments, but never all at once.

They can't stay in this unpredictable equilibrium. He needs to find Yachi, and then figure something out that isn't Grumble In The Corner About The Unfairness Of The Universe.

Not that Yachi will be of much help, but it's not like Kenma can leave her here, even if he really, _really_ wants to.

"Kuro, can you pick the lock?"

Kuro grins at him like the Chesire Cat he is.

"Oh, that's _kitten's_ play."

On the border between spitefully leaving Yachi Hitoka in Wonderland and making sure she never has to see the Red Castle ever again, Kenma's stance shifts toward the latter just a bit.

Between the boisterous Red Queen Saeko, and the silver-tongued Duchess Mika, Yachi Hitoka is a newborn cub between two grown lionesses. Kenma hadn't even known it was possible for someone to look as petrified as Yachi is right now. She was already a short and petite girl to begin with, and, closed in on herself as she is now, she's a toddler next to the two royals.

Kenma has about an entire foot in Return Yachi Hitoka Home territory.

Saeko scowls darkly at him when he slips in next to Shiro.

"Why is the hell is his head still attached to his neck?"

Yachi _somehow_ (really, the shade of her face is ridiculously pale. It's sort of impressive in a way) looks even _more_ fearful at that, if the looks she sends him are anything to go by. It's like she's trying to shield him away through sheer force of will of something, even when she's the one who is about to knock her knees out.

Kenma doesn't really appreciate the sentiment.

"Oh, your highness, he's such a pitiful thing. Do you truly wish to end his poor life before he finds some enlightenment?" Shiro pontificates, lifting him off the ground by his underarms. Kenma tries to kick her and fails pathetically. She's isn't Captain of the Knights for nothing, after all.

"Yes, your highness, your foolish captain has a valid point. It won't do well to put down your hero before his quest is over after all."

Four people in the garden each gain a unique type of bafflement.

"You _agree_ with me?" is the verbal manifestation of awed wonder on Shiro's part.

"Why the hell do I need a hero for something I can do myself?" is the sort of angry confusion only the Red Queen can pull off.

"Please no," is the desperate horror Yachi mouths, in a sort of compelled manor to defy something that is definitely going to happen.

"No," is the only response Kenma allows from himself, because whatever the Duchess has in store cannot possibly be something he'll like.

The Duchess lets them stew in silence as she takes a long sip of tea. It's after a delighted hum and a smile promising something Kenma definitely won't be a fan of does she say, "We must send _someone_ to find Clockwork Koushi, do we not?"

It's worse than Kenma had imagined.

To be fair, all things Kenma doesn't like are worse than he imagines. The reason being a combination of both him not having the patience for any stage of anything he doesn't like, and his very limited imagination spam. If patience were a virtue he possessed, he wouldn't be as agitated as he is now, even if the quest they've forced him on under threat of stoning is something he shouldn't be particularly against.

"I'm sorry," Yachi tries again. She's apologized about triple the times she's fainted, which is a lot. It's not really her fault, but she hadn't really helped prevent anything either.

"It's nyot your fault! It wasn't like you could leave in the first place!" Kuro answers with unnecessary cheer. Kenma shoves him off his shoulders just in time to see Yachi stop abruptly, fear crisscrossing her face.

"We...we can't leave?"

Kenma is not dealing with this.

He keeps walking, not bothering to even wait for her. Even if she starts crying, Kenma will carry on. All will be well once they find Clockwork Koushi. He doesn't have to deal with this now, or ever. If Yachi is just going to keep crying or fainting or getting herself in situations which make even more work for Kenma, then he's going to leave her behind.

He doesn't have time for more liabilities with the remainder of their lives at stake.

"Hey." The furry weight against his neck is back. "Your friend looks pretty shaken back there. Aren't you gonna, you knyow, say something?"

"She's not my friend." Ok, so Kenma has resolved to kindergartener tactics to solve his problems. Which is fine. The world seemed like such a simple place when he was a kid. If reliving those years is what takes him back home, then so be it.

" _Kenma_ , come on, don't be like that," Kuro whines, padding up Kenma's face to look behind them. "She looks _really_ shaken. Kind of like you when your weird machine thing has a red light—"

"It's called a 3DS."

"—and it's making _me_ sad. Sooo, do something about it?"

"Why don't _you_ do something then?" Kenma attempts to keep walking, but then the weight around his shoulders increases, and he's now being held back by a six-foot tall catman.

"I am but a humble cat," says the stupid cat annoyingly. Kenma can _feel_ the smirk without even seeing it. "You, on the other hand, are a human. Just like your friend. She'll take reassurance from you better than she would from a humble cat such as myself."

"I don't _care_." Kenma shoves Kuro off, ignoring the low tilt to his ears and how his puffy tail sticks close. For some reason though, instead of stalking off, Kenma just turns away, aiming his annoyance at the ground. Playing the kindergartner card with Yachi is fine, but with someone who is actually his friend, it makes him feel the slightest sense of regret. Which he tries really hard to stammer before Kuro can catch it but he's too late.

"For me?" he adds, with a small victorious grin like Kenma has already gone over and smoothed things over. Kenma releases a long, tired sigh, and fixes Kuro with his best I Really Don't Want To Do This expression.

"Oh, come on. You make it look like I'm telling you to go slay a jabberwocky or something! Just go over there, and say, 'It'll be alright. Leave it all to me.'" Kenma does not sound like that at all, nor would he ever say those words outside of any mandatory, video game protagonist dialogue context. The cringe across his face intensifies.

"Here," Kuro flings out his hand, and waggles his eyebrows and fingers manically, "I'll hold your hand."

Kenma, straight faced and no hesitation, takes the hand. Not because he actually needs it, but so he can relish in the sweet revenge that is watching Kuro's face glow up like a Christmas tree. That's how Kenma deals with the friends in his Think Their His Mom category; by being unexpectedly bold to catch them off guard.

Kuro immediately poofs back into a cat and swims through the air a good distance away from Kenma.

" _Kenma_!" he sputters in a hiss or a yowl or whatever sound a flustered cat makes. "Don't do that with— _with that face_!"

This is the same cat who makes dirty jokes and is trying to woo the captain of the red guards.

After throwing the most deadpan expression he can make at Kuro (who sticks out his tongue at it), Kenma steels himself and walks back over to Yachi.

She's... not crying at least. She's curled up at the bark of a nearby tree, however, looking like she really wants to be doing just that. Kenma wants to call it pathetic, but when he thinks about it, he'd practically told her she could never see her family and friends ever again. Or anything else from that world she may have held dear. Of course, Kenma hadn't meant to say that, nor was it an actual fact, it had just... come out that way.

He should fix this.

"Yachi," he begins, and she peers up at him so slowly, Kenma has to look away. He's not good at this, even more so with people _he's never talked to before_. He doesn't get why Yachi kept asking after him. Sure he's good at Creative Writing, but he never talks to anyone in that class. He barely knows the faces of his classmates, too. He's the last one to arrive and the first one to leave. He doesn't participate in any way outside of his assignments. He has no idea what Yachi Hitoka had seen in him and deemed worthy for asking questions.

But he guesses even if she's horrible at choosing people, he doesn't have to be an asshole about it.

"I, uh..." Choosing to not be an asshole, however, does not mean Kenma will suddenly gain the power to not mess this up more than he already has. "He didn't mean, um, when Kuro said we couldn't leave that, uh, it isn't something that... we just can't leave now. At this moment."

 _Great start_ , informs a sassy part in himself which sounds a lot like Kuro. However, hope seems to have bloomed inside Yachi somewhere along his words so Kenma continues despite literally everything.

"If we find Clockwork, we can leave. So, um, not leaving is just a temporary thing."

Yachi starts tearing up. Kenma has blown this to hell and back.

"W-we can go back?" she asks in a hoarse voice. Kenma realizes, rather stupidly, that the tears pooling at her cheeks are those of relief and not of despair. Which means he has actually done something correctly. He had gone into a social situation, with someone he barely knows, and ended it with a result he had wanted. He had done it. He just did it.

Kenma is sort of proud of himself.

"Yeah," he says, and _woah_ , this feeling of accomplishment blooming inside of his chest is... really nice. "We can."

* * *

They can't do this. Whatever feelings of grandeur and hope his past self had felt were all wrong. There is no hope. They're going to be stuck here forever. Past Kenma was a fucking dumbass.

So, get this, they've been traveling around, asking whoever they meet along the path if they've heard where Clockwork Koushi might be, and, as Kenma's luck loves letting him down, they come back with a lot of negative answers.

"Who?"

"Never heard of him."

"Ehhhh? Clockwork's on vacation?"

"Koushi did _what_?"

"Who?"

"BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Who knew old Koush had it in him!"

"Seriously? Like, _seriously_?"

"Who?"

Kenma's meager seed of hope withers up and dies two answers in. Even when he sees Yachi go up to some guy with a dark crewcut lazing around with a tennis racket in one hand, and the most ridiculous striped shirt, Kenma's only thoughts are to join Crewcut on his apathetic journey to find a fashion sense.

With a face impassive enough to make any wall jealous, Fashion Confused Crewcut somehow manages to gain a thoughtful look to his face. Kenma can already hear the unspoken "Who?" about to drop from his mouth, and keeps walking when the guy goes, "Yeah, I think he's at the—"

Kenma whips around, right at the moment Fashion Confused Crewcut's evil doppelgänger shows up, all like " _Osamu_ , what do I always say about giving out free information?", and single-handedly manages to ruin Kenma's expectations with a single sentence.

That's the story of how Kenma's life turns into a fucking sports anime.

"Love-30!" yowls Kuro, sunbathing on the high white chair next to the red and white tennis court. Kenma attempts to glare at the cat, but the sweat across his forehead makes his hair stick uncomfortably to his face and is really messing up his already limited field of vision. He's breathing heavily, his grip on the racket in his hand barely there, and a glance behind him informs Yachi is in the same boat.

" _Wow_! You're really aiming for that pudding left out in the sun look, aren't you!"

A squawk from the opposite side of the court manages to ease Kenma's murderous intent just a little. The original (and gentler) Fashion Confused Crewcut whacks his twin on the head, saying something like, "Be nice," right after he takes a pointed look in a direction behind Kenma.

Kenma would be grateful if the original one goes easy on them because of Yachi, but then, during his serve, he comes at them with a flying jump serve and a ball that whizzes by Yachi's face so fast, her hair flies.

Kenma banishes previous thoughts of the original being the 'gentler' one.

The evil twins have won two flawless sets. Kenma and Yachi hadn't been able to score a single point. It's not like they have to win either. The deal is if they manage to steal two points from the masters of tennis themselves, they get their lead on Clockwork Koushi. Kenma had thought his meager knowledge in Wii Sports tennis and Yachi's... _something_ would win them easily. And yet, here they are, in their third set without having scored a single point. It's ridiculous, and annoying. Why did it have to be tennis of all things? Couldn't it have been a game of chess or something? At least with that, Kenma didn't have to go running around after tiny tennis balls under the blazing sun.

Kuro calls for a timeout, which Kenma isn't sure exist in tennis, but the evil twins don't stop them. Kenma sits down on the floor, and then promptly falls over, limbs splaying all over in an attempt to melt into the ground.

Yachi walks over, and falls to her knees, chest rising up and down as she takes heavy breaths.

"Kozume-kun," she gasps, bringing a hand to her chest as she catches her breath. Kenma peers up at her, but the glare of the sun catches his eyes and forces him to look away. "I -I think... um—only if you're ok with the idea!— that we... we need a plan."

Kenma's eyebrow twitches. What does she think he's been doing this whole time? Randomly hitting balls in hope of landing a lucky shot or triggering some flashback on the opposing side which will stall them long enough for Kenma to win? Contrary to popular third party belief, this isn't actually a _sports_ anime.

"How long are the two of you going to lament your continued loss? It's really admirable how you haven't given up just yet, but it's also getting old," taunts the eviler one with a smirk, leaning on his racket. Kenma gives a pointed look to the original from the floor. It's barely been two seconds.

"He's not being nice."

The original holds up his hands, including the one with the racket, in defeat. "I tried."

Kenma huffs and looks back to Yachi. "Do you have any ideas?" he asks bitterly, not because he actually expects or wants an answer. Or, well, he'd like a solution, he just doubts whatever willpower or power of friendship babble Yachi would probably drop is going to help much.

Except she goes in an entirely different direction than he predicts.

"What if we, um— only if you're ok with it that is! W-what if we... ask someone to play on our behalf?"

Kenma blinks once, then shoots up like a rocket, the annoyed scrunch in his face disappearing as the realization of _Yachi Hitoka Is Freaking Genius_ hits him like a molotov cocktail to a rosebush.

Predictably, she takes his struck, wide eyed reaction completely wrong.

"I'm s-so _sorry_! It was a terrible, _horrible_ idea! It's against the rules, isn't it? O-oh no, now we'll be disqualified and then we'll never know where Clockwork Koushi is and then we'll be stuck here _forever_ —"

"That's a good idea."

Yachi stares at him, with something Kenma really hopes aren't waterworks, and says, "Really? It's... it's not against the rules?"

They're in _Wonderland_. _Stuck_ in an infinite teatime loop in the Alice in Wonderland world.

 _What_ rules?


	5. Chapter 5

**chapter five: When in doubt, rely on the children**

* * *

The captain of the red guard steals an entire set from the champion tennis players.

The name of their savior is supposedly Shiro, which Hitoka hopes against hope is her last name. She can't bear the thought of all the horrors that could go wrong with calling a foreign delegate by first name. The woman's victorious grin is smugness with a cherry on top. Even the cherry probably has a tiny little marker smirk doodled on it with how much her lips are pulled back.

The twin champion tennis players take this loss very differently. The one Hitoka had spoken to first, with the darker hair, gives a sort of resigned smile and a shrug when the ball Shiro serves ricochets from a spot a foot away from him, scoring the second point they need to win the deal. The other twin, with the lighter hair and the meaner streak, throws something Hitoka really doesn't want to call a tantrum, but can't really think of a nicer word to label it.

He's still huffing and puffing when the dark haired twin walks up to them.

"Didn't know you had pull with the royal guards. I'm sort of impressed," he says, with a small smile and a tone that doesn't at all sound impressed. Still, Hitoka feels just the tiniest surge of pride course through her. The plan she had come up with had come leaps and bounds and baring gifts. It's been awhile since something she's planned worked the way she had wanted it to. It sequesters her conscious in a place she doesn't visit often enough, and she feels amazing to finally visit the land of Cupcakes and Rainbows again.

It's the one place where Hitoka feels like she's finally improved as person in a way.

" _Hah_! That's what you get for underestimating the tiny blonde ones!" taunts Kuro the black cat before arching his back and purring next to the face of neither the tiny blonde ones he's so proud of. The distasteful cringe marring the captain's face goes completely over the ridiculous tuft of fur sprouting between his angular ears.

"I didn't though," affirms the dark haired twin at the same time Kozume grumbles, "I'm not tiny."

Unknown to Hitoka, the pointed affirming smile the dark haired twin sends her way goes completely over her own head as well.

"Are you done? I want ice cream." The lighter haired twin throws himself on his brother's back and hangs off there like a particularly brooding child.

Dark Haired Twin sighs. "Why does your mental age always go down five years after a match?"

"Shut up."

"I was informed," begins Shiro, delicately seizing the scruff of Kuro's neck to pull him off her shoulder. He yowls and digs his claws into her uniform in protest. She rolls her eyes and leaves him be, "that you had information on the whereabouts of Clockwork Koushi."

Here, Hitoka waits with bated breath. Who knows the sort of location Wonderlandians deem vacation worthy. It could be the last room in a high tower guarded by a dragon, where Clockwork Koushi could read books to his heart's desire. Or some island protected by a monster infested sea where he could relax in peace and quiet. Or at the end of a thorn ridden labyrinth having his own little teatime. Or worse, on a tiny patio hidden away barbecuing _plot bunnies_ —

"He's at The Beach."

Hitoka has the wildest notion Kozume is about to go _Huuunnh?_

On further examination, he looks like he's about to go bang his head against a nearby tree.

Hitoka is just grateful no plot bunnies are being harmed in the duration of this plot twist.

* * *

After much hair-pulling, name-calling, and toe-stepping (really, Hitoka hadn't at all expected all that from Kenma, let alone the royal captain of the Knights just because of a suggestion of sleep), they decide to rest for the night before moving on.

Well, not really a night since the sun hasn't move in the least ever since they fell in Wonderland. Though, the sunshine flitting through the curtains is but a second thought when she lays eyes on the bedroom.

The bed dwarfs her by a margin which is almost pitiful. Three people could fit very comfortably in the massive four poster. And that's not even taking into account the satin mountain of pillows at the headrest. Hitoka might be able to make an entire other bed just out of those. And everything is so soft to touch; the comforters, the blankets, the sheets, she can barely believe it's _real_.

Dinah would have loved this.

Hitoka plumps down forlornly at the foot of the bed, wishing her beloved cat were here. If Hitoka could just be given the chance to bury her face in her fur, she'd feel so much better about this entire situation.

It's the first time today she's had a moment to breathe and just think about... everything. There's a part of her that still solemnly believes this is all a very weird dream. It's a small part though, eclipsed by the fact there being no way she should be able to feel all these sensations in a dreamscape. Still, as much as it's all overwhelming to her, there's something to be said about escaping into a fantasy world right at the moment she needed an escape most of all.

Hitoka pokes her fingers through her pockets and pulls out a golden ballpoint point. It's shiny enough for Hitoka to be able to see her own face staring back at her.

 _"Hey. Blondie. Wait up."_

 _Hitoka lags behind the bickering group and turns to face the Dark Haired Twin jogging up to her. She gets a bit intimated by how tall he is compared to her, but she thinks the twins have both proved their harmlessness outside of tennis matches. Probably. Hopefully. Hitoka is a little too relived about the hands empty of tennis rackets._

 _Dark Haired Twin rubs the back of his neck for a moment. Hitoka honestly has no idea what he could possibly want. She just hopes it's not a request for a rematch or something because dear lord does she never want to see another tennis ball again in her life._

 _"Are you a hero?"_

A hero? _Hitoka cocks her head. What sort of question was that? Was hero a codename for something in Wonderland? Nothing immediately jumps to her mind, though. She hopes it isn't anything secretly offensive or anything someone would take offensive to if met with ignorance._

 _"I'm sorry?"_

 _Dark Haired Twin's hand slides down to the side of his neck. "So you're not then." He gets a sort of thoughtful look about him and mumbles softly, "Koushi might not give favors to someone who isn't a hero...what to do, what to do—Oh."_

 _Hitoka is still very,_ very _confused about what's going on when Dark Haired Twin starts padding down his pants and rummaging through his pockets in search of something. There's quite a number of them actually, and Hitoka is sure there is no possible way he's going to be able to empty all his pockets by today when Dark Haired Twin pulls out a pen of all things with a triumphant, "Found it."_

 _He holds it out to her. "Here. For you."_

 _Hitoka automatically refuses on principle, but Dark Haired Twin grabs her hand and bodily places the pen between her fingers._

 _"You'll need this. It's easier for someone to become a hero with a sword."_

 _There is, in fact, a pen in Hitoka's hand. A fact Hitoka is very grateful for because Sword and Yachi Hitoka do not go in the same sentence._

 _"Go on, click it. I wanna see something."_

 _Hitoka really hopes this doesn't do what she thinks it's about to do._

 _It does it._

 _The only reason she doesn't fumble with the honest to god sword now in her hands is because her entire body has frozen solid. The ice in her bones is the only thing keeping Hitoka from accidentally impaling someone._

 _Very slowly, she looks up at the Dark Haired Twin with a look that says 'help me' with every fiber of her being._

 _He grins at her._

 _"Yeah, now I'm sure. Click the button on the hilt to turn it back."_

 _Hitoka clicks it faster than she's ever done anything before. She shoves the pen back at Dark Haired Twin._

 _"I-I can't accept this!"_

 _"Hey. Hey, listen," the pen somehow makes it back into her hand, and Hitoka's knees are already wobbling at the thought of a sword at her side. She barely hears what Dark Haired Twin says next._

 _"There was this guy who came here once. His name was Rick or something? Had the same exact look you just had on his own face when I gave him this. That guy? He's a hero now. To a whole lot of little kids."_

 _There's a shimmer in Dark Haired Twin's eyes._

 _"Don't you want to be a hero, too?"_

Hitoka wants...

The golden pen catches some sunlight and flashes too close to her eyes.

Hitoka wants to go home.

* * *

After a few hours of rest, they head out to continue their journey.

Well, a few hours of rest may be an understatement to the morning Hitoka had just experienced.

She wakes up groggily to the sound of shouting, which she's still surprised didn't send her immediately into panic mode. Or at all. Imagine that. Yachi Hitoka waking up in strange foreign bedroom with guerrilla shouting match outside and her only reaction is to turn the other way and continue sleeping. It'll make the headlines everywhere. Her mother would be in teary delight.

It dies down, and it's here where Hitoka finally slips out of bed and goes to investigate.

Opening the large wood red door greets her to a sight Hitoka is slowly becoming used to. She's talking about the royal red interior, of course, and not about the hair pulling competition between Kozume and the captain.

The captain smiles widely at her. "My lady, I was just informing Kenma that you're both late for teatime—" the sentence is caught off from an annoyed grunt as Kozume chooses this opportunity to yank the silver ponytail he has in his hand.

"We're going to find Clockwork so we can leave," he says before cringe mirrors his own facial features when the captain returns the hair tug. Hitoka winces and almost wants to rub at her own scalp, having personal knowledge of how much that hurts.

And really, her stomach would love some food right now, but her heart can't stop reading ' _teatime_ ' as _'potential beheading_ '.

"You will eat," the captain reiterates, giving another good yank before grasping the higher part of her hostage ponytail in an attempt to lessen the damage of a returned blow.

Kozume favors using both of his hands when returning the blow instead of mimicking the defense tactic.

"We're going to find Clockwork. So we can leave."

"Food."

"Clockwork."

"Food."

"Clockwork."

"A-actually, I'm not very hungry—"

Hitoka is betrayed by her own growling stomach. She can't tell if the sound actually echoes in the hall or if that's just her embarrassment intensifying.

Kozume pauses with an owlish blink to his eyes mid-hair-pull. He immediately looks to floor when he catches her eyes, and, after a long quiet moment where Hitoka's embarrassment levels are over nine thousand, he says softly, "We'll take something with us."

He immediately continues the hair tug when the triumphant smirk across the captain's faces reaches maximum smugness.

Hitoka and Kenma are then bombarded with cupcakes. Actually bombarded. As soon as they enter the kitchen, cupcakes come sailing at them as a furious Lady Mika criticizes, " _You're late!"_

The only reason Hitoka doesn't suddenly have an intimate session with cupcake frosting is because her survival instincts kick in and she immediately ducks behind the captain with an _eep_. Kozume isn't so lucky.

"My perspective, my lady, believes otherwise." The captain swipes some frosting off Kozume's head, ignoring the glares of both him and the lady as she licks the frosting off her finger.

There's an improving hum before the captain comments, "These are better than your previous attempts. I would like fifty."

The captain of the red Knights lives up to her name as she snatches the incoming cupcake out of thin air and digs into with a happy chomp.

After they've all filled their cupcake quota for the next year, Hitoka and Kozume finally can get back on track on their journey.

Except they gain a new tag along. A tiny familiar redhead with the Mickey Mouse ears and a tiny red uniform that matches both the captain of the red guard's and the other black haired woman that comes along to see them off.

The new woman and the tiny mouse girl look absolutely nothing alike, yet she sees off the tiny mouse girl like a mother would a daughter.

"Do you have everything? Your sword's just been polished, right? Are your boots laced too tight? Is your uniform ok? Oh, do you have to go?" The woman pats down and smooths every crinkle on the little mouse girl's red uniform until it's pristine enough to win a Nobel award.

"Leave the girl be, Kanoka. You're not her mother," critics Shiro, right after she pulls some spare lint off Kozume's shoulder.

He gives her a look only Hitoka catches.

'Kanoka' gives her the same exact look, right before she goes back to worrying over the tiny mouse girl with an almost teary fever.

"Are you sure you're ready? You can always take on another quest—a _much_ easier and _much_ simpler one—"

"I'm fine, captain! I'm ready to prove my worth!"

Kanoka almost seems more teary eyed at that, but then she hugs the little mouse girl fiercely and whispers, "Stay safe, Natsu."

"Are you guys ready to go or nyot?"

Kuro the black cat finally makes his reappearance and immediately drapes himself on Kozume's head. Kozume looks as done with this situation as those people who'd been forced to listen to seven rendition of an old American song Hitoka had seen in a video once.

"Yes," he says for all of them, before turning around and leaving. Hitoka says some quick goodbyes before rushing after him. It's a moment before the tiny red solider—Natsu?— is at her side with a determination in her step Hitoka doesn't ever think she could have found at that age.

Hitoka peeks behind her one last time. Kanoka is weeping. Shiro rolls her eyes before she roughly ruffles the black locks. Crying Kanoka bats her hands away, and, even with the tear streaks down her face, something like determination fills her bright eyes.

Hitoka looks back ahead, feeling like she's witnessing something she isn't meant to see.

Hitoka touches the fabric of her pocket. The shape of the golden pen meets the trace of her fingers.

 _"I just want to be better,"_ Yachi Hitoka had once said, with tears in her eyes and despair in her heart.

 _"Don't you want to be a hero, too?"_

 _Maybe_ , she thinks. _Maybe_.

* * *

"Kozume-kun, do you think—"

"No."

"B-but... are you sure? It looks really familiar—"

"No."

"..."

"..."

"B-but it looks exactly the same as the movie—!"

"Yes."

Hitoka feels a little too giddy and accomplished at her victory. Kozume doesn't meet her eyes or her smile as he rubs his upper arm. Hitoka has noticed he isn't the greatest with looking people in the eye—or, well, looking _her_ in the eye, but he seems to be slowly getting over it. She feels a little happy about that accomplishment, too.

But really, the gigantic twelve legged cat with the bus appendage on its back looks uncannily familiar to the Ghibli movie. The colors are off, with a grayish tinge and black spots instead of the original cream and brown spots, but it's _eerie_ how alike they are. Hitoka isn't sure if it's a coincidence, or if it means, according to Hitoka's own personal theory, Miyazaki once found himself in Wonderland just like Kozume and Hitoka had.

"Hey, ya old cat!" yowls Kuro, walking around on the ginormous sleeping cat head like he owns it. "Wake up! I need a favor!"

One of the gigantic eyelids uncovers. The huge sharp pupil staring at them gives Hitoka second thoughts about checking Ride In A Cut Bus off her childhood bucket list. The cat could eat her whole in one bite. She'd taste exactly like cupcakes too; she can still feel the overload of frosting at the top of her throat.

"What are mewling about, kitten?" asks the giant bus cat with a deep scratchy voice. Hitoka is really starting to have third and fourth thoughts about this.

Kuro, oblivious to Hitoka's inner dilemma, swipes at one of the gray ears five times his size in agitation.

"Who are you calling a kitten? I'm an old tom, just like you!"

The bus cat closes the one giant eye it had opened.

"No nose knows like a gnome's nose knows."

Kuro bristles, his fur stands on end, but then something like steel flashes in his cat pupils.

"Nyo nyose knyows like a gnyome's nyose knyows— _goddammit_!"

The resulting grin of the bus cat almost goes full circle.

"What does the little kitten desire?"

Kuro stretches and sprawls across the head of the cat bus, his tongue out like he's accidentally bitten it (probably has). There's a mope in his movements even Hitoka can read.

"Can you take us to the Beach?"

Kuro tumbles over as the bus cat yawns. White fangs as tall as Hitoka gleam menacingly. Hitoka's knees join the Not Sure About This Plan act with a wobbly salute.

"Perhaps."

The bus cat opens both its eyes and stares at Hitoka and Kozume with an intensity Hitoka can feel reach the marrow in her bones. Hitoka spies Natsu reach for the sword at her side. The ginormous cat must not be giving the mouse girl the best of feelings.

"Is one of you to become a hero?"

Hitoka is shaken once more by the question already plaguing her mind. Does she want to bookend this journey with a title for herself in the ranks of heroes? Or does she want to stay herself and return home like nothing has ever happened? Is there something to be found in her friendship with Kozume Hitoka would have never been able to find herself, or was it all just a horrible mistake?

Does she want to be a hero?

 _I want to be better_ , Yachi Hitoka had cried.

"Y—"

"Nekomata! You owe _me_ a favor, remember?"

The bus cat chuckles deeply, the sound travels and vibrates.

"How could I forget such originality?"

Hitoka swears the ground creaks when the bus cat rises to all twelve feet. It shuffles to the side, and one of the square hole-like windows in the bus attachment on its back shifts and grows in size, until there's enough space for all four of them to walk into the bus.

The seats are made of fur-like material soft to touch. When Hitoka takes a seat, the feel of the fur against her hand reminds her again of Dinah. What Hitoka would give just to hear one her hungry meows right about now.

Natsu and Kozume each take a seat on either side of her, both with fearful expressions. Kuro trots in and leaps into Kozume's lap. Even though Kozume lets out a disgruntled noise, he leaves the cat be.

"Onward! To infinite and beyond!" taunts the bravest amongst them, who also happens to be the smallest.

Natsu seems to sense this, and opens her mouth to say something, only to shut it immediately when Mr Bus Cat leaps into the air and up into the trees.

There's a lot of screaming after that.

Some of is happy and excited (Kuro), some of it is fearful and horrified (Hitoka). Hitoka immediately closes her eyes tightly, not wanting to give herself more nightmare fodder. She can barely hear anything, either. Her heartbeat is in her ears and drowning out her thoughts. But she can feel the air and whiplash of it against her skin. It's almost nice, too. However, she's too busy screaming to enjoy it.

It's a few moments after that when she feels a hand enclose one of hers and an excited shout that isn't Kuro.

"Lady Yachi! Lady Yachi! Look! It's _amazing_!"

Hitoka only opens her eyes to relive them a little from the tightness. Yet the sight greeting her strikes a deal that may entail never closing them again.

Sequestered away in a round alcove where the sea overrides the land, is a beach with sand every color of the rainbow. It starts of a dark purple to the right, before it slowly fades into an indigo and then blue and lighter. It continues this trend across the entire expanse of the sand, going from light blue to green to yellow to orange and then ending in a perfect red at the left side. The ocean water is clear enough for Hitoka to continue to see the rainbow sand go on into eternity, like a rainbow road that goes on forever. It almost reminds Hitoka of one of those racetracks in Mario Kart—

 _Just how many people have fallen here before?!_

"It's so cool! All the colors are just like—! Like—! All _wooooah_ and _wooosh_!"

There are barely contained squeaks at the end of her sentences that make Hitoka giggle. She glances down at their conjoined hands. Only, the hand in hers is a little too big to be Natsu's, and on the wrong side.

The bus cat alights on the top of a palm tree and springs down onto the sandy floor before Hitoka can think on it more. Natsu squeaks as the bus tilts sideways and they're all dumped out onto the beach.

The cat bus leaps back atop the palm tree with a hearty chuckle escaping its throat.

"Good luck, heroes to be."

The bus cat disappears within the tree tops. Hitoka shouts a goodbye automatically.

There's a lot of whooping and cheering as Natsu and Kuro, now a six foot catman with cat print swim trunks which looks suspiciously like the cats from Neko Atsume (Hitoka is not even going to bother to pretend her theory isn't true anymore) run laughingly to the water.

She doesn't have time to think about why Kuro, the six foot catman, is excited about water of all things when she's too busy chasing Kozume, who's made a beeline for a single umbrella propped at the center of a the beach.

She reaches him just in time to see him scowl. Hands on her knees to catch her breath, she finally catches sight of the person lounging under the umbrella on a beach chair.

A woman beautiful enough to make Hitoka blush stretches out on the length of the white beach chair. There's a book between her slender manicured fingers, and a pair of dark sunglasses over her unblemished face. Her long, luscious, dark locks match the color of the tiny bikini she wears. Somehow, Hitoka can feel the uninterested once over the beautiful woman asses them with before she returns to her book, and, also somehow, Hitoka can feel the murderous intent of the fanclub the beautiful woman is sure to have on the back of her neck.

Kozume is completely unaffected.

"Where's Clockwork," he demands, with a glare hot enough to make Lady Mika jealous.

The beautiful woman doesn't even spare him another glance at the question.

Hitoka is starting to worry Kozume is going to lose his patience with these Wonderlandians eventually. She just hopes whatever anger punch building up doesn't get introduced to this particular woman.

"Tell me where—"

"Kiyoko! Look at me!"

Hitoka and Kozume immediately whip around at the sound of the voice. It comes from far out into the ocean, where a pale man with starlight hair and aqua blue swimming shorts waves at them from atop a surfing board.

He immediately gets whipped out by a huge wave from behind.

Hitoka's heartbeat reaches her throat. She really hopes they didn't travel all this way only for Clockwork Koushi to die on them.

Thankfully, the man comes back up alive. Soaked to the bone and coughing up water but alive. He swims back to the beach and clumsily wades through the shallows back to the safety of the beach where Hitoka can finally let out a breath of relief.

"I was doing so good, too," he pouts, with a final cough to clear out his throat. "How come it never works when you're actually _looking_ —"

"C-clockwork Koushi?" Hitoka asks before he can finish. She hopes it doesn't come off as rude. The anticipation of finally going home makes her blood race.

He blinks owlishly at them, before a smile touches his lips. Hitoka can't believe they actually did it. They actually found him. They can go home. She can see Dinah again. And her mother. Oh god, her mother must be so worried—

"I'm sorry. You have the wrong guy."

Hitoka's heart falls to her feet.

"O-oh..."

Hitoka had thought she could finally end all these worldly questions plaguing her mind by just leaving them all in Wonderland. Now, when the opportunity to leave that has supposedly been just within reach suddenly torn from her, she isn't so sure what to do anymore. Do they go back and look for more clues on Clockwork? Or do they just... give up?

 _"Don't you want to be a hero, too?"_

The question echoes once more in her mind. It makes her heart clench. What does being a hero even entail? Knowing when to give up? Knowing when no hope is left? Or is it persevering despite the blood-drawing hurdles along the way? Is it finding bravery and courage when most would fall into despair?

How is Hitoka supposed to be a hero when she doesn't possess any of that? What type of hero can she even be?

"Hey, Koushi! Long time nyo see!"

Kuro bounds over with a laughing Natsu on his shoulders. He grins wide and his bushy tail whips once. His eyebrows waggle.

"I see you finally convinced nature princess over there out on a date. Nice!"

The pale man, who is definitely lying about not being Clockwork Koushi as evidenced by the cold sweat he breaks out in Hitoka can see despite him already being wet, still has a disarming smile on his face. How he isn't melted into a puddle under the heat of the accusing glares Kozume throws his way is a mystery to Hitoka.

Clockwork Koushi bolts and Kozume dives for him.

Hitoka fidgets with her hands, unsure if she should join the squabble of limbs on the floor. There are a lot of squawks and protests from Koushi ( "I'll never go back! You can't make me! You can take this vacation away from my cold, dead hands!") and quite a few cold declarations from Kozume ("I don't care. I want to go back home. And you need to do your job for that.") She could join the cheerleaders' side with Kuro and Natsu, but this _is_ her ticket home at stake.

Hitoka finally steels herself and, with purpose she hasn't previously been aware of, walks over and sits on Koushi's legs. It gives Kozume the opportunity to sit on Clockwork Koushi's torso and pins his arms down.

"Please," Hitoka begs. "W-we just want to go home."

Koushi struggles some more, bucking and wriggling and doing everything to try to wrestle himself out from under them, but both Hitoka and Kozume stay strong.

"Koushi."

The light voice saying Clockwork's name halts his movements immediately, and there's a sudden rush of color in his face.

"Y-yes, Kiyoko?"

 _Even her name is pretty_ , thinks Hitoka, as Kiyoko finally sits up in her beach chair, her bare legs danglung off the side. She removes her sunglasses, only for there to be another pair of normal eyeglasses underneath, which gives Hitoka a lot of pause. Was she... trying to look cool or something?

"It's time to get back to work."

Hitoka doesn't care if it's an act or not. Kiyoko is definitely the definition of super cool in her books.

Koushi groans and his body goes slack. Hitoka, hesitantly, stands up. Kozume follows her example a minute later, after glaring at Clockwork Koushi to make sure he doesn't try to run away.

Koushi sits up, and crosses his legs. There's a pout on his features, and a droop to his shoulders.

"Which one of you is a hero?" he whimpers. And it's that exact question that would have saved him earlier.

Hitoka stiffens, and Kozume doesn't say anything. Kuro cackles and Natsu tumbles off his shoulders with a squeak.

Koushi's expression takes a one eighty and he grins.

"I don't do favors for non-heroes! Better go slay a jabberwocky or behead a tyrant before you come back to ask me for anything!"

Kozume makes a move towards Koushi, and Hitoka sees the angry punch she knew was there about to unleash. She grabs his arm without thinking and says quickly, "Kozume-kun, i-it's ok! We'll figure something out! We... " Hitoka searches for the right words. What would a hero say now? What would Hitoka, if she were in need of a hero, want to be said to her?

She finds the words immediate with that thought.

"We're going to go home. No matter what."

Kozume blinks. He slowly removes his arm, and Hitoka is quick to return her hand. He fidgets a little before saying, "Ok."

"I'm a hero!"

All four adults turn to stare at the little mouse girl, who shakes her head rapidly to remove the green sand stuck in her hair. There's a bright fire in her eyes.

Clockwork Koushi starts sweating again.

"I'm a red knight! I became a knight so I could save my family! That makes me a hero, right?"

Hitoka's heart hurts. She wants to grab the little mouse girl and hug her tightly enough to erase the hardships she had to go through. What had Hitoka been doing at that age? Crying because some mean boy pulled her hair? How did little Natsu with the orange Mickey Mouse ears find enough drive, bravery, and courage to become a knight and save her family?

Kuro lifts the little girl and spins her around, pulling her into a tight hug in the end as she squeaks in protest. There may or may not be tears in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry I tried to eat you! W-will you ever forgive this big old scary cat?" he wails, and yes, those are definitely the beginning of waterworks on his cheeks.

Natsu laughs. "You're not as scary as I thought you were! You're just a big softie!"

Kuro starts sobbing into her shoulder. Natsu starts protesting about the— " _Ew!_ Don't leak on me!"

Hitoka rubs her own eyes and takes this opportunity to glance at Clockwork Koushi.

He seems resigned to the fact that his job is calling and that he has to go back to work no matter how much he doesn't want to. With a long sigh, he stands up and dusts the neon yellow sand off his swim trunks.

"Fine. I'm _going_ , ok? You can stop now."

Kiyoko stands up and walks over to Koushi. She leans up on her toes and presses a kiss to Koushi's cheek.

"I'll see you later."

She disappears in a tornado of leaves, much to Hitoka's surprise. Clockwork Koushi turns red, from his forehead all the way down to his toes.

Kuro continues to sob. Kozume rolls his eyes, but Hitoka thinks this is the first time she sees something happy in his expression.

Which reminds her of the hand that held hers while she screamed in the bus cat.

She walks over to him, and holds a hand over her mouth so she can whisper.

"Kozume-kun," she waits until he turns to her before continuing, "Thank you. F-for holding my hand. When we were in the cat bus. It really helped."

Kozume immediately looks away from her, a pink blush on his cheeks.

"It was nothing."

Hitoka smiles warmly.

"Ok, so I'm leaving," Clockwork Koushi begins. They both turn to him. "Time will start running again when I get back. You two should probably find a book if you want to go back. And also... maybe deal with that?"

Koushi points towards the hot mess of a six-foot catman who is still crying. Natsu is really starting to look rather disgruntled.

"So... bye, I guess?"

Hitoka waves as Clockwork Koushi walks back into the groove of palms trees at the end of the beach and begins weaving through the trees.

She drops her hand, and pivots back toward Kozume with a great need to comment on this whole journey.

"Well," she weaves a stray hair back behind her ear, "There were, um, a lot of things I don't, um, want to experience again. B-but, um, there were also things that were... really fun."

And again, almost immediately, all three times she's been asked the plaguing question blend together and melt into one foreboding _Don't you want to be hero?'_

The voice inside her head that asks the question this time sounds like suspiciously like her own.

Kozume stares at his feet. A tiny smile stretches his mouth.

"Maybe—"

A pirate swings down and sweeps Kozume off his feet before he can finish his sentence.


End file.
